I'm Fine, Thank You

"But you, O God, do see trouble and grief; you consider it to take it in hand."    Psalms 10:14

How many times in your life have you used that line? What is it about our society--and about us--that doesn't want to admit we hurt?   What have we been taught about grief? Well here's one: "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; cry and you cry alone." Wow. Who wants to cry alone!   But when you hurt, you might cry. You might also find yourself battling other symptoms of grief such as lack of concentration, a sense of numbness, disrupted sleep, changed eating habits, and a roller coaster ride of emotions.     Grief comes to all of us and all of us grieve losses both big and small. Grief is a normal and natural emotional response to loss of any kind. It is conflicting feelings about the end of, or change in, something. And we certainly live in a world full of change. In fact, experts have identified over 40 different kinds of loss. It's important to note that loss doesn't always mean the loss of a person. It could be the loss of a career, loss of our health, loss of a friendship, loss of a dream, or even the loss of trust in God. Yet, when we experience loss we aren't prepared to deal with it. Neither are those around us. They love us and want to help, but they're unsure of what to say. Life doesn't teach us how to heal broken hearts.    So here are a few things NOT to say to someone who is grieving: You'll be fine; just keep busy and give it some time.   I know just how you feel. Look on the bright side; at least they're in a better place. You shouldn't be angry with God. You should be over this by now; let's go have some fun. Here are some things you CAN say or do to help someone in pain: Every relationship is unique; therefore, every grief is unique. You cannot know how someone feels, so say, "I can't imagine how you feel," or "I can't imagine how painful/devastating that must have been for you." Ask the person, "What happened?" Most people avoid this question and pretend nothing is wrong, but people who have suffered a loss often feel isolated and want to talk about it. Listen with your heart, not your head. Likewise, respond with your heart, not your head. (Remember, they don't have a broken brain; they have a broken heart.)   Don't be afraid to cry with someone while you are listening to their story. Friends, there is One who is not a stranger to grief and he is not afraid of it either. Scripture says he is "...a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief." He is the God of the brokenhearted, who not only understands our grief and sorrows but carries them to the cross with him. "Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows..." Isaiah 53    What does that all mean? We will discuss grief and loss on Monday night. We also begin our Healing from Loss 12-session workshop in October.  You will find the information below. I invite you to consider taking part in this workshop.  I hope to see you on Monday for this important discussion.      Greg